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25 Things You Must Know About Me...

1. Of the anejo, reposado and blanco, I prefer the anejo. With a wedge of orange dipped in cinnamon.

2. I invent recipes when I am stuck at long traffic lights.

3. I am a recovering romantic.

4. I hate lima beans and Brussels sprouts.

5. When I'm in my hammock reading a book, I'll often reach above and behind my head, and pluck the taught ropes like I'm on a great, big bass guitar. Sometimes I play "Smoke On The Water." Sometimes "Roundabout."

6. I know a whole lot of unimportant stuff, to such a degree that I now know almost everything about nearly nothing.

7. When I leave my house at night, the first thing I do is look up. Maybe a meteor's coming, and it’s got its sights on me.

8. Are you familiar with the wheel? I re-invented that.

9. I secretly hate Christmas, and am glad there are folk out there waging war on it.

10. I have written thirty-one chapters of a novel, and stopped just when it was getting good.

11. I think the single electron double-slit experiment is just about the coolest thing ever.

12. I am infested by ear worms.

13. I am also infested by brain fleas.

14. I want to have Thomas Jefferson, Josephine Baker, Erszabeth Bathory, St. Augustine, the Marquis de Sade, Richard Feynmann, Lola Montez, Dorothy Parker and Benjamin Franklin over for dinner, get them really trashed and play twenty questions. Or Twister.

15. I have never seen a UFO or a tornado, but would like to before I die. Preferably at the same time. A UFO caught in a tornado while I’m dying would be hilarious.

16. In my fantasies, I am a beta male.

17. Moderation is not my strong suit.

18. Neither is tact.

19. What I lack in tact, I make up for in accuracy.

20. When I was younger, I wanted to be Batman, but I just don't look so good in tights anymore. Except after several shots of the anejo. With a slice of orange dipped in cinnamon.

21. I am sure there are no high-end tequilas, sushi bars, books, guitars, hammocks, pistachios, dancing girls, or afternoon naps in Hell. And no tickling. There are lots of meetings and forms to fill out, though.

22. Of all the inanimate objects that conspire against me, I find that it is the camera that hates me most.

23. In heated discourse, my go-to forms of argument are reductio ad absurdum and reductio ad ridiculum, not because they yield any higher Truth, but because they are really funny.

24. I sometimes lay awake thinking about Einsteinian time dilation, and ask myself the following question: "If objects in motion move more slowly through time than relatively stationary ones, then why doesn't my hand disappear back in time when I wave at people?"

25. Sometimes my head hurts.

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